RCW 9th Anniversary Show
May 12th, 2012
Glengarry Community Hall
Real Canadian Wrestling’s 9th Anniversary Show has come and gone, and it was the best RCW show I’ve seen. It wasn’t free from the “wait, what?” moments that RCW’s booking is prone to, but it was a much better effort overall than they’ve put on in quite a while.
The show got off to an inauspicious start as the ring announcer brought out Steven Styles to announce that two of the three big names that had been booked to perform on the show (Sabu and Konnan) would not be there. Given that two weeks prior Sabu had been found unresponsive in his hotel room on the day of the ECW reunion show, this wasn’t overly surprising. Konnan wasn’t explicitly mentioned but also unsurprising, since RCW probably blew the money they should have been using to bring him up on bringing him up last month just to sign autographs. Anyway, the words “suitable replacement” are tossed around and then Styles leaves and Evan Inferno comes out to announce his retirement due to a nagging neck injury. Well this is a bummer of an opening promo. Commissioner Dan Druff put a bit of a positive spin on things by announcing Andrew Hawks vs. Kid Kash for the Mid-Heavyweight Championship vacated by Evan Inferno later on tonight.
Bucky Briggs is very excited that he's doing something resembling an offensive move.
IRISH MIKE vs. BUCKY BRIGGS
I had never seen Irish Mike before, but hilarious bland name aside, he was pretty fucking impressive. This match was fast paced with Irish Mike demolishing Bucky Briggs with strikes that seemed motivated by an intense hatred of Briggs’ ability to live. He also took time out from making Briggs regret being born to hit him with an interesting variety of suplexes, highlighted by a northern lights and a running suplex, which I was previously unaware was a thing. He also missed a moonsault which looked like it hurt quite a bit. Bucky Briggs fired up and made a quick comeback before pinning Irish Mike with a sitout Rock Bottom bomb.
Aside from the finish, which came after Briggs hit about three moves (in total, throughout the match), this was a fun, high energy opener.
Winner: Bucky Briggs via Sitout Rock Bottom Bomb
Four Corners Tag Team #1 Contendership Match
THE FRENCH CONNECTION (Andrew Williams & Jean Marius) vs. BONECRUSHER & WILDCHILD vs. C-BLOCK w/ Officer Gordon vs. STEVEN STYLES & TED DANCIN’
RCW’s 16 foot ring is not big enough for a tag team match involving eight guys. Wrestlers could tag out from pretty much anywhere in the ring,
"Stop choking yourself, stop choking yourself, stop choking yourself!"
which would have really killed things if it was even the slightest bit serious. I actually had no idea it was a number one contendership match until I saw the results post the next day, which really explains the ending. I think my favourite part of this match was Jean Marius, despite the fact that he did virtually nothing in the ring. He came out dressed like a gladiator and then, when a fan ripped on Andre Williams for speaking an allegedly “foreign” language (French), he looked at the fan like he was retarded and said “foreign? Really?” Then he just shook his head sadly and walked to his corner. He wasn’t heeling on a fan, he was legitimately disappointed by that fan as a person. Outstanding.
Oh, and Steven Styles and Ted Dancin’ won. Ted Dancin’ got beat on for most of the match, but then he hit… somebody with a sidewalk slam. Steve Styles followed up with a big splash from the second turnbuckle for the victory while everyone else brawled on the floor. Andre Williams ended up down on the floor, which resulted in him being stomped by every participant from the other teams as the walked to the back.
This match didn’t kill the momentum of the first match, which is basically all there is to say about it. It wasn’t that good, but it didn’t ruin anything, so it was just sort of there.
Winner: Steven Styles & Ted Dancin’ via sidewalk slam and second rope big splash.
RCW Mid-Heavyweight Championship Match (Title Vacant)
ANDREW HAWKS vs. KID KASH
As far as the match goes, just watch it.
Winner: Andrew Hawks via Shenanigans.
There was also an extended aftermath. A very extended aftermath. The post-match promo was over ten minutes long and only half of it was understandable is what I’m saying. So buckle up, this is gonna take a while.
Irish Mike is also an amateur chiropractor. Bucky Briggs probably won't be a repeat customer.
First off, Kid Kash complained about Heavy Metal and Tommy Lee Curtis’ treatment of Kash like he was their henchman, then put over Andrew Hawks. Andrew Hawks returned the favour, then stood in the ring for like nine more minutes as a seemingly endless sea of other promos washed over the hall. Teddy Hart came out and said things. Many things. Many, many things. The gist of it was that Sabu was a druggie and that explained his absence, and that Kid Kash turned face to side with Hart and Hawks in the six man tag team main event (originally scheduled to be Sabu, Hart, and Hawks vs. Kash, Metal, and TLC). Hart challenged Metal and TLC to find someone who would be willing to team with them, but Metal said he had a contingency plan… it’s Bruce Hart. Bruce Hart has gotta be in his 60s at least, and he looked kind of terrible. If he knew where he was it would have been a borderline miracle. He will be the Supreme-Adonnas’ tag team partner. There was an unintelligible promo cut by Bruce, the gist of which is that Teddy Hart isn’t a real Hart. I think? Teddy Hart rebuts this, which doesn’t make it make any more sense, but the main event is set. If you followed all of that, give yourself a pat on the back.
Jailhouse Rules Match
SLAMMER vs. BIG JESS YOUNGBLOOD
This was easily the best-built feud in RCW in quite a while, in part because it was so simple. They had a match; it ended in a double count out. They had a rematch, but there would be no repeat of their previous bout, as it would be a lumberjack match; it ended in a double disqualification when the referee lost control of the lumberjacks. So now, the final encounter. In his desperation to beat Big Jess and prove that he’s the better man, Slammer challenged Big Jess to the ultimate contest of wills: prison rules. It’s basically an I Quit match. It’s also a 37 minute long bloodbath.
You can't really see it, but Slammer is about to jam a shank into Big Jess' head. Yes. A shank.
The beginning of this match was something that I wish heated blood-feuds would do more often: they just started to fucking fight. There were no cautious feeling out processes or nonsensical pinfall attempts to in the first two minutes (because if you hate somebody, attempt to beat them with a roll-up in 30 seconds, that’ll show ’em). Nope, Slammer gathered up as much of the chain connecting the two men by the wrists as he could, screamed, and launched himself at Big Jess like a jailhouse missile. Slammer got busted open the hard way early on after being thrown through three rows of chairs and then getting smashed in the back of the head with a trash can, which resulted in enough blood flowing from him that Michael Phelps tried to swim laps in it. Slammer also played into the gimmick of the match by pulling out A SHANK and going to town on Big Jess’ forehead, even using the shank as the basis of several modified submission holds. Because a camel clutch becomes infinitely more effective when you’ve got a big chunk of razorblade jammed into the guy’s head while you’re applying it. That’s just science.
I’m not even going to try to do play-by-play because this match was both long and chaotic. You can watch the video for that. Suffice to say, these two EARNED their third match of the night in a row, and I’m a little sad to see this feud go after Big Jess strangled Slammer into submission with the chain after moonsaulting onto him and putting him through a door (yes, a door).
Winner: Big Jess Youngblood via Technical Strangling.
The only knock I have on this match was that the emotional crescendo came about 25 minutes in with Slammer chaining Big Jess to the ring post and screaming at him to quit while bludgeoning him with various foreign objects in front of a terrified child. The ten minutes after this were still good, but I had a constant feeling of “okay, THIS spot will be the finish… nope, okay, then THIS spot will be… nope…” The strangling finish also took longer than it seemed like it should have, with Slammer being in the hold for about two minutes. Still, it was an excellent match and the best live indy match I’ve seen in a long time.
Intermission. This was a well-placed intermission, because it followed basically the perfect “time for a break” match. Everyone was pumped up about what they just saw, but also needed a break before being able to bring themselves to give a shit about anything else.
RCW Canadian Championship Match
KATO (c) vs. WAVELL STARR
This one took a few minutes to get the fans back and focused after the carnage that preceded it and the intermission. Kato was making his first defence of the RCW title, won in a battle royal at the Marie Ewaschuk Memorial Show last month by pinning Andre Williams with a roll-up. Wavell Starr was the third man in that scenario, and as a result got himself the first crack at the new champion.
This was very much a classical style of match, the type of thing you would have seen in the NWA in the ’80s. Wavell Starr played the dastardly heel who was determined to grind out the champion and very willing to cheat his balls off to do it while Kato played the plucky babyface who did his best to overcome the heel’s dickishness. The biggest spot in the match was Kato hitting a frog splash, which has become one of his signatures, but Wavell Starr was able to withstand the blow and escape. Kato was thrown out of the ring by Starr, distracting the referee who was busy counting the champion out, when all of a sudden Red Thunder showed up and threw a pair of brass knuckles to Wavell Starr! Red Thunder was a staple in Alberta wrestling up until a few years ago, having been a part of the Stampede Wrestling revival in the early 2000s and probably the biggest Native name in the Province. Of course, this was less exciting during the match because I hadn’t seen Red Thunder in a few years and didn’t recognize him with a goatee, so the live impression was “a random native guy is helping Wavell Starr! Weird.”
Anyway, Starr popped Kato with the knuckles upon the champion’s return to the ring, then pinned him to win the title. But wait! As he celebrated with Red Thunder, he dropped the brass knuckles by accident, causing the referee to realize what chicanery had occurred and reverse his decision, disqualifying Starr. Starr and Red Thunder then attacked Kato, laying him out with the belt and smashing him with a spike Tombstone piledriver.
Winner: Kato via Disqualification.
The Final Encounter
TEDDY HART, KID KASH, & ANDREW HAWKS vs. HEAVY METAL, TOMMY LEE CURTIS, & BRUCE HART
This match is billed as the final encounter between Teddy Hart and the Supreme-Adonnas, a feud which has been going on since I started going to RCW shows. For the most part it has been about Heavy Metal and Teddy Hart, with Tommy Lee Curtis and various random tag team partners of Teddy Hart providing some additional facets to it. Now there’s an additional wrinkle with Bruce Hart being related to Teddy (I’m not entirely sure how, and Teddy isn’t technically a Hart, so… yeah) and apparently having been brainwashed by the Supreme-Adonnas. I assume liquor was involved. Andrew Hawks and Kid Kash are also there.
Oh, and Steven Styles was there too, as the guest referee. Konnan was originally supposed to be in that role, but he wasn’t there, so clearly the best way to replace a Mexican icon is to use a guy who isn’t over in the company he owns. He also wasn’t much of a referee, as he kept attracting attention to himself at every opportunity. If the heel isn’t arguing the speed of a count, there’s really no need to start that argument with them, and at no point should a referee be laying across the middle ropes like they’re a hammock. Just sayin’.
Kash and Hawks were only really active in this match for the first ten minutes or so, after which they sort of faded into the background while Metal, TLC, and Bruce kicked the bejesus out of Teddy. At one point, both myself and the friend I went to the show with FORGOT that Kid Kash was in the match because it had been so long since we had seen him (he was lying on the floor on the opposite side of the ring). Towards the end they were both taken out with “injuries,” which was just as well since they weren’t really accomplishing much.
Bruce Hart, despite looking like he lived at the bottom of a bottle, was shockingly spry. When he got in the ring he moved around just as well as as the guys thirty years (maybe more) his junior and threw some really great looking strikes. I miss the old school foot-stomp during a punch, it just makes such a great noise and makes it seem like you really blasted the guy. Sure, he just stood there on the apron when Hawks and Kash were taken out of the equation and things started to get crazy, but the dude is like 60, so it’s hard to really give him crap for it.
The last known photo of Heavy Metal before Teddy Hart imploded his spinal column.
The crux of the match was a spot where the Supreme-Adonnas held Teddy Hart and Metal demanded that Bruce slap the shit out of him. Up until this point, Teddy and Bruce had only interacted when Teddy threw water at Bruce and screamed for him to “snap out of it,” which mostly just resulted in three rows of fans getting wet as he COMPLETELY missed Bruce with the sprayed water. Anyway, Bruce wound up, but couldn’t bring himself to hit family, and ended up smashing both Metal and TLC instead. Hawks and Kash returned to remove TLC and Bruce from the equation, leaving Teddy Hart to beat the everloving fuckshit out of Heavy Metal.
Hart dragged Metal around the venue in a wild brawl, hitting him with anything that wasn’t nailed down and smashing his head off of anything that was. The highlight of this section of the match was a piledriver on top of the merchandise table. Eventually Hart decided Metal had no more everloving fuckshit left to be beaten out of him and dragged him back into the ring, hit him with the powerbomb onto double knees, and that was that. The final encounter was over, and Teddy Hart stood triumphant over his bloody husk of a now-former rival.
Spot of the Night: Pretty much any of the high spots in the Jailhouse Rules match, but I’ll go with the moonsault through the door because… ouch.
Match of the Night: For the third show in a row, Slammer and Big Jess earn match of the night with their Jailhouse Rules match. Good on ya, boys. I hope you’re both still alive.
Overall: This was top-to-bottom the best RCW show I’ve seen. It’ll be interesting to see where things go in the coming months as the top draws, one of which is the booker, are in AAA Mexico.
