Because Slayer is a metal band, get it? Get it?

And apparently I’ve become pre-Horsin’ Around Bojack Horseman.

Holy shit this news post has started off weird. Speaking of weird, I’ve been reading the Wikipedia entry for the DDT Ironman Heavymetalweight Championship title history, and it is completely bonkers. Some of the notable champions include three separate ladders, a stuffed Jun Kasai doll (multiple times!), a promotional poster for a WAVE show, several elementary school children, a dog, a cat, and the writer of Headlocked, who I collaborated with on a Chikara comic a million years ago.

Those of you who follow me on Twitter are aware that entirely too much wrestling stuff is happening right now, as I’ve been attempting to keep up with this year’s G1 Climax tournament. However, if you want hot takes like “Tama Tonga is watching any chance he had at being a pushed talent slip away,” and “(some combination of Ishii, Honma, Goto, Shibata, Elgin, EVIL) are about to murder each other, and it’s going to be great,” you should follow me on Twitter, because there’s going to be a lot of that.

Next Week: How do we define a “real” doctor, anyway? Find out now by supporting HEAT on Patreon!